Dying star..

I know this is saddening but I just have to let it out of me. I'm ----- << this close to backsliding but I'm still hanging on because of the fellowship I'm having in church.. Hopefully everything will last.  This is a tough time that am going through and I know that I should turn to God instead but I tried and it really isn't helping.. Everything is too overwhelming.. Everytime I try climbing back up, there will be something to make sure I fall off. I can't take it anymore! I need a break from everything! Anyone out there sees this please pray for me! Cause I believe God will pull me out from the black hole like He always do and bring me back to the person I once used to be.

happen once every 365 days..

People always ask me what am i gonna do on my birthday, the answer will be the same every year i

should be staying at home. Kinda sad, huh? But i'm pretty use to it. :) I wonder who created/invented

birthdays, it got me curious that i went to google it. I got this: In History, Birthday celebrations

started with Pharaoh and was only mentioned in connection with Royality. Evidence of birthday

observances dates back before the rise of Christianity. Hmmm you can google it and read more about

it if you guys want to know more. But who i think really created Birthday? None other then

JESUS! Don't you agree with me? :) So i'm gonna spent my time with Him for today. Anyway

thinking back, the times when i had to plan many of my friends birthday. It was the greatest joy

anyone could have, planning every single thing for him/her to make that day the best time of his/her

life. Sometimes whenever i looked at friends celebrating a friend birthday, i somehow wish that

would happen to me as well BUT thinking about it nah. Must not envy or be jealous haha. I'm happy

with just the way it is now. :) Thanking God for every moment i have now. Cherishing

every moment. Thank God for awesome friends. :) Happy Birthday to me. Can't believe time flies so

fast that am ni ji u ichi/er shi yi/21 now...

the change..

I'm afraid after everything that am going through i might just change/transform into another person..

Temptations kick in when i'm in army. Thank God i make it a habit to read the devotional book + Bible

the night before the next day starts. It helps alot. I thank God for keeping me under his watch, providing

me with everything being there all the way for me. I believe You will make me the person you want me

to be.

First time experiences but if given the chance are you willing to do it?

Well i wanna thank God for what he has done in my life so far. All the things i thought i will never get a chance or have the courage to do it. He opened the doors for me. Coming back to WRPF was one decision i will never regret in life. It's all according to God's planning and his timing. My life escalated forward ever since i first step foot back in WRPF. Here's what happened.

1. First time sharing testimonial in YAY in front of everyone. (Here's a secret, i never once dare to share anything even in cell group level!) So its a pretty big step for me.

2. Sharing on how God change my life in YAY's transformer event. (A much bigger scale compared to sharing in normal YAY session.)

3. I must say this! FIRST TIME EVER Dancing! In front of a crowd somemore!! For YAY's 1st Anniversary. (Seriously God gave me the courage to do that otherwise i wouldn't have done it on my own. Never would i have thought i would do it!)

4. Last one for now! First time SINGING in front of people.Thank God & Ethel for giving me the chance. :) I can't sing plus i don't dare to sing in front of others as i fear i will sound awful. (Only time i ever sing is at home alone, singing and worshiping God.)



All of the above that i have mentioned, all of them are stuff that i would never think of doing and will try

every way to avoid it but question is are you willing to do it if your given the chance? With God all things are possible.

It's like a stepping stone for me, the higher i go the harder it is.

But whatever that i am going through, if God puts me in it, i'm sure he will lead/direct a way out

for me no matter how hard the situation is so i really Thank God. :) All this memories i will keep it in my

heart. As for now, i am going through a tougher phrase of life and that is ARMY!!! I have no idea on what

to expect but i believe your always there for me. With the weekends to look forward to spending time with

the most awesome/wonderful/fantastic/amazing/explosive/lovely group of people.(Choose one or all of them haha)

I pray i won't get to miss out on anything again, Lord. I just wanna be there. :s

Thank you for everything. :)

There is none like you, Lord. <3

Past.... Present....

I want to feel wanted... I want to be of use to you... I want to learn more things...

How am i gonna learn, if i'm kept from stuff. I feel like am worthless... I'm not good

at anything... I can't be of help in any areas. I'm without talents... Who would love

a person who is a nobody? I thought i was a goner. But i can't help but think i'm special in God's eyes.

I find it odd, a guy with no talents, abilities being so love by Him. Love is the word.

Without love there would be nothing. Seeing many loving people in Church makes me

wonder, Man i'm so lucky to be here! The only hope being found there. Regret not

attending it in my earlier part of life. But i guess its God's plan for me to be

there at that timing. I need to appreciate it more. The world out there is a

battlefield i tell you! No mercy for each other, not forgiving, being shot in the

back and the lists goes on. Church people are so different i tell you! It feels

like am in mini Heaven. Given a chance to help out and show what God's given hidden

talents in me are. As i have said before about this Church being special.

It's just not any Church, its WRPF the one and only. Thank

God for the memories. Thank God for letting me be here. Thank God for the love that

you have shown me. Thank God for giving me the coolest set of friends, i can't ask

for anything better. I look forward to the many more years and awesome times with

you guys.


Never have i ever felt so love before. It's time i start extending/sharing my love
to everyone be it in Church or world. :)

Last of all after reading Jarrid Wilson's blog. Not only did it minister to me but i felt its gonna be useful for others so look below!



Just because things seem to be going wrong, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not doing things right. God has a distinct way of incorporating His love into each of our lives. And while you might think you’re God’s target practice, you’re probably and most definitely wrong.

Think About It:

Just because you think things aren’t going right, doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong. 99% of the time, what we want isn’t necessarily what God wants. So, if you are consistently seeking after God and obeying His commands, there is nothing to worry about. Press On. God will get you through this season.

But, if you are not thirsting after Him daily and living a Christ-like image, then maybe you do have some things to change.

The Point:

Sometimes, God uses the disasters around us to help rebuild the heart within us.

God has a purpose. God has a plan. And everything happens for a reason. Trust in His purpose, and seek after His plan.

Sometimes, God has to break us down before He can build us up.

Romans 8:28 – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

- Jarrid Wilson

Struggling.....

I've no idea why i am struggling to show myself. My emotions, my feelings. Wishing i

could get away from every worldly issue. Get away from everything. Somewhere really

quiet. Somewhere where i can not worry about anything. Searching for myself, i'm lost

somewhere... God could you bring me back?

Overworking

I'm getting drained out. I'm really tired. Although i may

be in my 20s, i feel like am 80. I wish my heart can rest. It's been working 24/7, 365

days. Every now and then, i get chest pain. I wish it would stop, I wish the valve to

my heart isn't loose. I want to have feel normal.